I can't stand the waiting and wondering!!!
First and second dates are the most painful of all: Does he like me? Will he call me? When will I see him again? WILL I see him again?
This is where I invite the Goddess in me to join the party: If he SEES me, and connects with my essential gorgeous self, he will be back when he is ready... If he DOES NOT see me and does not recognize those gorgeous aspects of me as aspects he wants to share, it is better for us both that we know that NOW, and not drag it out for a long time. It is important that I trust that the Universe wants me to find my partner and to enjoy my life with the person who is able to see me and acknowledge me!
In the process of dating prospective dates, I've had several "first" meetings -- I wouldn't even call them "dates". These were the coffee meetings, the meeting for a glass of wine, the conversation on the phone, and the emails which provided the sorting-out process.
I have often been able to ascertain with a brief phone conversation that the energy of someone's voice was not something that I found attractive or intriguing. Often after the initial meeting for coffee or a drink, we could both sense that we were just being polite and although we may have found one another to be "a nice person", there was no connection or chemistry.
I think we can all accept these initial experiences with prospective dates as part of the inevitable little disappointments or "oh well" moments which occur as we are seeking that special someone.
However, I think I have now met that special someone. The question is: does he see the same possibilities? Does he see in me the spark that I see in him? That's the painful part of this initial discovery process.
When there is a sweet kiss, then some extended sweet kissing, then some passionate kissing that includes passionate hugging and body parts intertwined in that passionate embrace, I wonder if we both have been experiencing an intermingling of soul connections, as well.
I am breathless right now, anticipating the next step: it is in his court. I have played my hand. I will let you know how it goes...
Blessings
Sheila
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!
What are you looking for when you think about “falling in love”? Is is some kind of ecstasy? Is it some kind of guarantee of bliss? Is it that desire for enmeshment, of losing ourselves in someone else, in some kind of intoxication, that takes us to another realm of reality in which there is no time and no space?
When you think of falling in love, do you think of being fully awake, or somehow partially blinded by needing and wanting to see only the aspects we want to see in our beloved?
A friend of mine suggests that in order for someone to really “fall I love” with you, they have to SEE you, really see you.
Hmmm... That would imply some kind of honest and open awareness in the picture, wouldn't it. So if I wanted someone to really fall in love with me, he would have to be willing and able to truly SEE me! Not what he wanted to see, but whatever is really there!
I'm just beginning to date again. I've met some delightful men. One in particular has captured my attention. I'm imagining what it might be like to “be in love” with him... I think he might be wondering the same thing, having even admitted that he's been imagining what it would be like to be in a passionate relationship with me.
We have just barely met, and have not even yet kissed.
So...the playing field is entirely open here. While the sky is the limit right now, after the first kiss, we will know more about what steps we wish to take toward one another.
Tonight is the second date. Tonight may be the first kiss. I'm already imagining what it would be like to “fall in love” with him. According to my friend, for him to fall in love with me, he must be willing and able to see me. In order for him to see me, I must be willing and able to be totally transparent. I must be willing for him to see me as I am, not as I think I want him to see me, or afraid he might see me...
Whatever and whomever I am at this present moment, I owe it to myself to be totally “in love” with myself, to the extent that I'm thrilled and delighted for him to see all that I am, since I am already “in love” with me...and invite him to “fall in love” with the me that I am. If he doesn't, oh well... I cannot take it personally. Not everyone “clicks” with the guy or gal they think they want. But when it is a match, it just is. That, my friends, is magical.
We shall see...
Blessings,
Sheila
When you think of falling in love, do you think of being fully awake, or somehow partially blinded by needing and wanting to see only the aspects we want to see in our beloved?
A friend of mine suggests that in order for someone to really “fall I love” with you, they have to SEE you, really see you.
Hmmm... That would imply some kind of honest and open awareness in the picture, wouldn't it. So if I wanted someone to really fall in love with me, he would have to be willing and able to truly SEE me! Not what he wanted to see, but whatever is really there!
I'm just beginning to date again. I've met some delightful men. One in particular has captured my attention. I'm imagining what it might be like to “be in love” with him... I think he might be wondering the same thing, having even admitted that he's been imagining what it would be like to be in a passionate relationship with me.
We have just barely met, and have not even yet kissed.
So...the playing field is entirely open here. While the sky is the limit right now, after the first kiss, we will know more about what steps we wish to take toward one another.
Tonight is the second date. Tonight may be the first kiss. I'm already imagining what it would be like to “fall in love” with him. According to my friend, for him to fall in love with me, he must be willing and able to see me. In order for him to see me, I must be willing and able to be totally transparent. I must be willing for him to see me as I am, not as I think I want him to see me, or afraid he might see me...
Whatever and whomever I am at this present moment, I owe it to myself to be totally “in love” with myself, to the extent that I'm thrilled and delighted for him to see all that I am, since I am already “in love” with me...and invite him to “fall in love” with the me that I am. If he doesn't, oh well... I cannot take it personally. Not everyone “clicks” with the guy or gal they think they want. But when it is a match, it just is. That, my friends, is magical.
We shall see...
Blessings,
Sheila
Monday, May 10, 2010
TOUCH MY SOUL...TAKE MY BODY!
I'M WILLING TO FEEL THE FEAR...
I'M WILLING TO LET MYSELF CRY...
I'M WILLING TO HOLD MYSELF OPEN FOR ALL POSSIBILITIES, IN THE FACE OF BEING FRUSTRATED THAT THE MAN WITH WHOM I SEEK TO SHARE LIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE HERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE...YET
At the age of 68, I am seeking a soul mate, a life partner, a loving companion with whom to share myself and my life.
Despite not having direct evidence right in front of my face, I have a perfect faith that THIS MAN whom I seek is also seeking me, that he is not far away, and that he will find me. When he does, I have a perfect faith that our connection will be sweet and loving; that we will feel as if we have "come home" with one another. When he does, we will each want to be with one another and find a way to do so.
How do I absolutely know this? Because I just experienced the opposite. I know that when I am very clear about who I really am, about what I am really about in this lifetime, the opposite will show up to give me more clarity, more definition, and more resolve.
Last night, I had a date. His name is Joel. He is an accomplished professional, wealthy, and well-established. If I was looking for a man to give me financial stabilty, he might be someone for me to seriously consider as a contender as my partner.
There is that HOWEVER: Joel is seeking a woman who can be his companion and his lover; however, I see no evidence that he either seeks nor is capable of a deep soul connection.
The evening felt very long. When true lovers meet and there is a soul connection, there is no sense of time and whatever time lovers have together is never enough, because we always have a longing to taste one another as we bask in that "being at home" energy of connection. However, three hours with Joel felt like three weeks... I didn't experience being seen or heard, I didn't experience any glimmer of curiosity about who I am or what I do or what I am about, and I didn't experience that Joel had a clue about the magnitude of woman who was in his midst.
We women who have accessed out Goddess selves understand, without conceit or arrogance, that we are gorgeous and magnificent manifestations of divinity at its best. We get it that we possess the softness and sweetness that only Goddess Women can be, in the midst of our strength and power. We are fully aware that some very fortunate man could be the adoring recipient of our grace and passion, if only he were able to open his eyes and see us and open his heart and hear us.
In letting go of the man who had been my lover, what I was really letting go of was the limitations that the relationship imposed on both of us: he was not fully able or willing to receive all of my loving passion; therefore, I was not free to fully give or be who I am. In letting him go, I was liberating both of us to step into whatever relationship we each might choose which would be the best of all possible matches for our energies, our emotional and spiritual capacities, and our divine magnificence which is always inviting us to grow, stretch, and reach for the stars.
When Joel wanted me to stay with him last night, it was easy for me to decline: there was no soul connection between us. For me to agree to having any kind of intimate encounter, even if that meant making out for awhile and cuddling throughout the night, it would not be a match for my intentions and would be an exercise in frustration for both of us. My answer was "NO".
While there are times I might complain that I sleep alone, getting home to my own place and sleeping alone in my own bed last night felt like I was honoring myself, feeling good about snuggling into my flannel sheets, free of the empty experience of physical touch that is devoid of a spiritual and emotional connection that creates the "electricity" and "attraction" that inspires us Goddesses to say "YES" to him and to our soul connection with him.
What my longings are about are the kisses that say "I see you" and the touches that say "I hear you". When I can sense that soul connection, my body is vibrating with excitement to the invitation for full engagement, total immersion, and unrestrained passion.
What about you?
Blessings,
Sheila
I'M WILLING TO LET MYSELF CRY...
I'M WILLING TO HOLD MYSELF OPEN FOR ALL POSSIBILITIES, IN THE FACE OF BEING FRUSTRATED THAT THE MAN WITH WHOM I SEEK TO SHARE LIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE HERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE...YET
At the age of 68, I am seeking a soul mate, a life partner, a loving companion with whom to share myself and my life.
Despite not having direct evidence right in front of my face, I have a perfect faith that THIS MAN whom I seek is also seeking me, that he is not far away, and that he will find me. When he does, I have a perfect faith that our connection will be sweet and loving; that we will feel as if we have "come home" with one another. When he does, we will each want to be with one another and find a way to do so.
How do I absolutely know this? Because I just experienced the opposite. I know that when I am very clear about who I really am, about what I am really about in this lifetime, the opposite will show up to give me more clarity, more definition, and more resolve.
Last night, I had a date. His name is Joel. He is an accomplished professional, wealthy, and well-established. If I was looking for a man to give me financial stabilty, he might be someone for me to seriously consider as a contender as my partner.
There is that HOWEVER: Joel is seeking a woman who can be his companion and his lover; however, I see no evidence that he either seeks nor is capable of a deep soul connection.
The evening felt very long. When true lovers meet and there is a soul connection, there is no sense of time and whatever time lovers have together is never enough, because we always have a longing to taste one another as we bask in that "being at home" energy of connection. However, three hours with Joel felt like three weeks... I didn't experience being seen or heard, I didn't experience any glimmer of curiosity about who I am or what I do or what I am about, and I didn't experience that Joel had a clue about the magnitude of woman who was in his midst.
We women who have accessed out Goddess selves understand, without conceit or arrogance, that we are gorgeous and magnificent manifestations of divinity at its best. We get it that we possess the softness and sweetness that only Goddess Women can be, in the midst of our strength and power. We are fully aware that some very fortunate man could be the adoring recipient of our grace and passion, if only he were able to open his eyes and see us and open his heart and hear us.
In letting go of the man who had been my lover, what I was really letting go of was the limitations that the relationship imposed on both of us: he was not fully able or willing to receive all of my loving passion; therefore, I was not free to fully give or be who I am. In letting him go, I was liberating both of us to step into whatever relationship we each might choose which would be the best of all possible matches for our energies, our emotional and spiritual capacities, and our divine magnificence which is always inviting us to grow, stretch, and reach for the stars.
When Joel wanted me to stay with him last night, it was easy for me to decline: there was no soul connection between us. For me to agree to having any kind of intimate encounter, even if that meant making out for awhile and cuddling throughout the night, it would not be a match for my intentions and would be an exercise in frustration for both of us. My answer was "NO".
While there are times I might complain that I sleep alone, getting home to my own place and sleeping alone in my own bed last night felt like I was honoring myself, feeling good about snuggling into my flannel sheets, free of the empty experience of physical touch that is devoid of a spiritual and emotional connection that creates the "electricity" and "attraction" that inspires us Goddesses to say "YES" to him and to our soul connection with him.
What my longings are about are the kisses that say "I see you" and the touches that say "I hear you". When I can sense that soul connection, my body is vibrating with excitement to the invitation for full engagement, total immersion, and unrestrained passion.
What about you?
Blessings,
Sheila
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
SOUL MATE AT ANY AGE
"Does she want to hold hands...would that be enough for her?"
Al is a 75-year-old widower who is lonely. He just met my friend who was telling Al about her 77-year-old mother, Holly. Al just wants to hold hands, cuddle on the sofa while watching his favorite TV shows, put his arm around his Lady as they walk into a cafe for lunch.
There are times that our body parts just aren't what they used to be, but we nonetheless have a longing for soul connections, for companionship, for the touching of hands, for hugging and cuddling. There are times we long for quiet and peaceful companionship, minus the drama of youth's passions and fiery conflicts.
Henry, a 50-year-old father of four adult boys and recently divorced, has discovered that many women he is meeting online and through friends are "hot to trot" and want a wild "roll in the hay". Henry's head is spinning. He misses being married. He didn't want the divorce. He doesn't enjoy feeling the pressure to "perform" -- especially after years of his wife teasing him for being the "minuteman"...
I've been a widow for over five years and there are times that the emptiness in my bed, the empty chair next to me at a wedding party or holiday meal, the empty space in the room when I'm with friends and family is painful and palpable for me. I miss my husband's hands holding mine. I miss my husband's gentle kiss that for over 30 years gave me the silent reassurance that I was his beloved. I miss my husband's voice, his laugh, his smile as his eyes would twinkle with delight as he looked at me. Yes...I miss that soul connection. I find myself looking for that connection everywhere I go, whether it be a party or a networking event. I find myself wishing that magically some special man will appear into my life, will see me from across the room, will recognize that I am that special extraordinary woman with whom he could share the joys of life. Yes...I am longing. As I look around me, I'm looking at the body parts. But more to the point, I am looking for the soul connection.
Whether we are women or men, whether or not we are in our 30's or 70's, we all have longings for connections -- soul connections. We don't want to be sexual "objects", not really. We want to be precious to someone; we want someone to be precious for us. We want to hug and kiss with tenderness and loving delight, don't we?
There is much in the literature these days about "soul mates". Arielle Ford (www.soulmatesecret.com) has written a book and created a new career for herself, based on her own experience in finding her own "soul mate" in her 40's and also tells the story of her 80-year-old mother-in-law who found her soul mate in her 80's. Yes...we are all "looking" for that special person, that special connection, that special "spark" of recognition and sweetness we call a "soul connection".
Arielle Ford and others talks about how we can create the intention, clear the space, and actually take steps to "manifest" our own soul mate, making that special soul connection. In one of Arielle's recent newsletters, she suggests that we can help move along that intention and manifest our soul mates by taking workshops and classes that put us in the optimum mindset for attracting that special person to us.
I suggest that you go online to the following sites to explore your options for taking some summer courses designed to help you attract your love: www.mishkaproductions.com, www.eomega.org, and www.kripalu.org.
I have let go of a lover who was not the soul connection I thought was there. I saw what I wanted to see. The body parts which we shared, the passion which was ours, blinded me and fooled me into thinking that ours was a soul connection. If it was, I may take the rest of my life learning to understand it and apply those lessons to my life. In the meantime, the passionate connection of body parts taught me to be very clear about who I am, what I want, what I believe I can have, and also to know that there are times I would rather have nothing at all than to have something which is less than my heart's deepest desire.
Although I am quickly approaching my 7th decade (I'm currently 68), I do believe that the universe wants me to experience love and joy. I cannot be open to receiving my heart's deepest desire as long as I am accepting less.
Perhaps this summer I will see you at Kripalu or Omega. Perhaps this summer I will meet my love, my friend, my lover and my new life partner. I do believe that anything is possible!
With love and blessings
Sheila
Al is a 75-year-old widower who is lonely. He just met my friend who was telling Al about her 77-year-old mother, Holly. Al just wants to hold hands, cuddle on the sofa while watching his favorite TV shows, put his arm around his Lady as they walk into a cafe for lunch.
There are times that our body parts just aren't what they used to be, but we nonetheless have a longing for soul connections, for companionship, for the touching of hands, for hugging and cuddling. There are times we long for quiet and peaceful companionship, minus the drama of youth's passions and fiery conflicts.
Henry, a 50-year-old father of four adult boys and recently divorced, has discovered that many women he is meeting online and through friends are "hot to trot" and want a wild "roll in the hay". Henry's head is spinning. He misses being married. He didn't want the divorce. He doesn't enjoy feeling the pressure to "perform" -- especially after years of his wife teasing him for being the "minuteman"...
I've been a widow for over five years and there are times that the emptiness in my bed, the empty chair next to me at a wedding party or holiday meal, the empty space in the room when I'm with friends and family is painful and palpable for me. I miss my husband's hands holding mine. I miss my husband's gentle kiss that for over 30 years gave me the silent reassurance that I was his beloved. I miss my husband's voice, his laugh, his smile as his eyes would twinkle with delight as he looked at me. Yes...I miss that soul connection. I find myself looking for that connection everywhere I go, whether it be a party or a networking event. I find myself wishing that magically some special man will appear into my life, will see me from across the room, will recognize that I am that special extraordinary woman with whom he could share the joys of life. Yes...I am longing. As I look around me, I'm looking at the body parts. But more to the point, I am looking for the soul connection.
Whether we are women or men, whether or not we are in our 30's or 70's, we all have longings for connections -- soul connections. We don't want to be sexual "objects", not really. We want to be precious to someone; we want someone to be precious for us. We want to hug and kiss with tenderness and loving delight, don't we?
There is much in the literature these days about "soul mates". Arielle Ford (www.soulmatesecret.com) has written a book and created a new career for herself, based on her own experience in finding her own "soul mate" in her 40's and also tells the story of her 80-year-old mother-in-law who found her soul mate in her 80's. Yes...we are all "looking" for that special person, that special connection, that special "spark" of recognition and sweetness we call a "soul connection".
Arielle Ford and others talks about how we can create the intention, clear the space, and actually take steps to "manifest" our own soul mate, making that special soul connection. In one of Arielle's recent newsletters, she suggests that we can help move along that intention and manifest our soul mates by taking workshops and classes that put us in the optimum mindset for attracting that special person to us.
I suggest that you go online to the following sites to explore your options for taking some summer courses designed to help you attract your love: www.mishkaproductions.com, www.eomega.org, and www.kripalu.org.
I have let go of a lover who was not the soul connection I thought was there. I saw what I wanted to see. The body parts which we shared, the passion which was ours, blinded me and fooled me into thinking that ours was a soul connection. If it was, I may take the rest of my life learning to understand it and apply those lessons to my life. In the meantime, the passionate connection of body parts taught me to be very clear about who I am, what I want, what I believe I can have, and also to know that there are times I would rather have nothing at all than to have something which is less than my heart's deepest desire.
Although I am quickly approaching my 7th decade (I'm currently 68), I do believe that the universe wants me to experience love and joy. I cannot be open to receiving my heart's deepest desire as long as I am accepting less.
Perhaps this summer I will see you at Kripalu or Omega. Perhaps this summer I will meet my love, my friend, my lover and my new life partner. I do believe that anything is possible!
With love and blessings
Sheila
Monday, April 26, 2010
DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE?
"I don't think I want to be her boy toy!"
These are the words of a man who is recently divorced, late-40's, re-entering the dating world after over 20 years of marriage, and discovering that there are women out there who just want his body, not his heart...
Wow! What a switch! This guy was thinking he'd enjoy the "chase" and have lots of fun having lots of fun... What he began to discover was that he was meeting one woman after another who was simply hungry for some good sex and not particularly interested in a "relationship".
What's with that?
When we women have been known to be hungry for a relationship, our complaints have often been that "he just wants me for sex and I want more!"
Are the tables turning?
Are women now hungry for the body parts and not the soul connection?
Are men now hungry for the soul connection and not the body parts?
Well...as you know from reading my blog posts, part of my most recent complaint with the man I thought was my lover was that he wasn't giving me his heart, just his body. I wanted his heart. As much as I was loving the sexual connection, what I discovered about myself was that having a sexual relationship without the soul connection just was not satisfying to me.
I'd love to hear from you!
What do you want and need from a partner, these days?
Are you looking for a relationship?
Or...is a relationship something that, for you, is just too much work, and you'd rather have some good sex that is not complicated by an emotional relationship?
When we have what we sense is some kind of "soul connection" with someone we also have an "attraction" for...what do we do with that? Is it our imagination? Is it wishful thinking?
At what point can you and I trust our intuitive sensitivities, and acknowledge that there either is or is not a soul connection?
When I first met "Mr. Wonderful", when he walked up to me to kiss me, there was this electric energy, this mysterious connection, which I wanted to believe was some kind of "soul connection". When his body was touching mine, when his hands were exploring my body, when I was touching him in all those places specifically reserved for intimates, I wanted -- so wanted -- to believe that this was a soul connection.
I was speaking with a client a few days ago who had a long affair with a younger man; she expressed feeling like a teenager again and that she felt this wondrous "soul connection" with this man. He has since decided to suspend the sexual contact, but still wants the "soul connection" and for that, she is sad and even angry. She wants his body parts. He wants the soul connection. She needs the physical intimacy to experience the soul connection fully. He is resisting the physical contact in order to prolong what, for him, is the "soul connection".
Strange? Confusing?
Talk to me...
Blessings
Sheila
These are the words of a man who is recently divorced, late-40's, re-entering the dating world after over 20 years of marriage, and discovering that there are women out there who just want his body, not his heart...
Wow! What a switch! This guy was thinking he'd enjoy the "chase" and have lots of fun having lots of fun... What he began to discover was that he was meeting one woman after another who was simply hungry for some good sex and not particularly interested in a "relationship".
What's with that?
When we women have been known to be hungry for a relationship, our complaints have often been that "he just wants me for sex and I want more!"
Are the tables turning?
Are women now hungry for the body parts and not the soul connection?
Are men now hungry for the soul connection and not the body parts?
Well...as you know from reading my blog posts, part of my most recent complaint with the man I thought was my lover was that he wasn't giving me his heart, just his body. I wanted his heart. As much as I was loving the sexual connection, what I discovered about myself was that having a sexual relationship without the soul connection just was not satisfying to me.
I'd love to hear from you!
What do you want and need from a partner, these days?
Are you looking for a relationship?
Or...is a relationship something that, for you, is just too much work, and you'd rather have some good sex that is not complicated by an emotional relationship?
When we have what we sense is some kind of "soul connection" with someone we also have an "attraction" for...what do we do with that? Is it our imagination? Is it wishful thinking?
At what point can you and I trust our intuitive sensitivities, and acknowledge that there either is or is not a soul connection?
When I first met "Mr. Wonderful", when he walked up to me to kiss me, there was this electric energy, this mysterious connection, which I wanted to believe was some kind of "soul connection". When his body was touching mine, when his hands were exploring my body, when I was touching him in all those places specifically reserved for intimates, I wanted -- so wanted -- to believe that this was a soul connection.
I was speaking with a client a few days ago who had a long affair with a younger man; she expressed feeling like a teenager again and that she felt this wondrous "soul connection" with this man. He has since decided to suspend the sexual contact, but still wants the "soul connection" and for that, she is sad and even angry. She wants his body parts. He wants the soul connection. She needs the physical intimacy to experience the soul connection fully. He is resisting the physical contact in order to prolong what, for him, is the "soul connection".
Strange? Confusing?
Talk to me...
Blessings
Sheila
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
PERFECT PARTNERS: GODDESSES & DRAMA QUEENS
Yes! I'm STILL doing that internal "dance" with myself: I let him go...but do I take him back?
There is within you and within me at LEAST two women (this is written to women today): The Goddess and the Drama Queen. I might otherwise refer to these two opposing resident inclinations as our Higher Self and our Little Self. The "higher self" is aware of who she is, is confident about who she is, and needs to prove nothing to others nor to have others prove anything to her. Thus, she can be open-hearted, loving, accepting, joyful and she blesses all that comes to her, because she "gets" that whatever that is, there is a gift in the experience somewhere. The "little self" forgets who she really is and consequently has the illusion that she needs something from someone else to be validated, to be vindicated, to be appreciated, to be loved and acknowledged. Thus, she is quick to be demanding of everything she thinks she needs to have in order to be okay, she is constantly complaining about what isn't good enough or right enough, she is forever criticizing others for what (in her view) is "wrong" or not "right" about practically everything. She doesn't acknowledge a whole heck of a lot in her life as being wonderful; she's forgotten how to be grateful for little and big things, and instead of blessing her life, she curses it.
I will share with you one of the precipitating conflicts that led to one of the seventeen "breakups" with my guy:
Several weeks after he had moved to his new house, he invited me for a visit. Because we each have busy work schedules, he suggested that I visit some morning when I have another appointment near where he lives, and we could include a tour of the new house and a visit. I had arranged to have a massage appointment, which was nearby his new house, so that my trip would be cost-effective in terms of my driving time. The day before our planned visit, he instant messaged me: "fyi...your visit has to be snappy...you know how busy I am in the morning..."
Well! I saw all colors of red. I felt as if a knife had been thrust into my heart. I had been excited about making my first visit to see his new place, the set up of his new office and high-tech equipment, even looking forward to sharing a cup of coffee and listening to his new stereo equipment, which he reported to be awesome. I felt as if he had stuck a pin in my balloon and suddenly, my great enthusiasm to make this visit was reduced to a little pile of ashes.
My reply to him: "lovers don't tell one another to be SNAPPY...and just to make sure you have plenty of time for your work tomorrow morning, I won't be showing up at all!"
I was hurt. I was insulted. I felt like the gift of his invitation to visit had been taken away with one word: SNAPPY...
That one word caused me to once again evaluate this relationship for myself. Once again, for the 16th time, I was considering ending it all, forever. My ongoing assessment of him was that he was stingy: in time, with his emotions, and with money. Did I really want to prolong the inevitable end to a relationship that could be summed up with the word SNAPPY?!?
His use of that one word, and my reaction to his use of it, caused a chain-reaction of responses and counter-responses, culminating in what I thought and fully believed to be the FINAL breakup. He came to my place to get his things. We agreed that it was done. Finished. Over.
A few days later, he began the campaign to inspire me to change my mind. What's with that?! I had finally regained my sanity and ended a relationship which was a dead-end for me, and he begins to pull at me, poke at me, to prod me back into that space of total insanity...being totally out of my mind!
His text messages began with "thinking of you..." then added: "you're the best...I miss you" and continued with "I promise to always honor you and give you everything you want and need..."
The Goddess in me was being misled by all those "higher" inclinations of acceptance, love and blessing, being blinded by the misguided notion that these inclinations were to be exercised on him rather than on myself. The first order of business for any self-respecting Goddess is to first love herself, to first take care of her needs and ensure that she entrusts her heart only to those who will honor and cherish her. The Goddess inclinations wanted to believe in him, to accept him, to love him and bless him.
I had grown to feel embarrassed by the Drama Queen in me: I didn't want to be demanding or critical or skeptical; I didn't want to complain about what he didn't do...I wanted to take the high road and step over my complaints and criticisms.
However...look at what happened: because I had become the Drama Queen in the matter and had a genuine emotional melt-down over what I perceived to be disrespect, he changed his tune. Within a short period of time, he literally got on his knees to apologize for behaving like a "insensitive jerk"... He promised to honor me in the future, if I would only give him another chance.
So I did...
For several weeks, he behaved himself: he treated me like a Goddess and seemed to honor me in many ways. He was tender, passionate, affectionate and even more generous with his time. He was consistent in being responsive to me, not ignoring any of my emails or calls. It seemed like my being the Drama Queen had created a positive turn-around in his behavior and therefore in our relationship.
Until...
A couple of days ago, there was another email exchange which went south. For no apparent reason, he became distant, silent, cold, and generally unresponsive. I wanted to meet with him to explore the wrinkle in the fabric. He was too busy. With a cold business-like two-line email, he announced that he needed to pick up some of his things, in case he needed to have them before he saw me again. That icy statement was a red flag to me: he had just declared a few days prior that he wanted to see me more often... I was puzzled. I expressed my curiosity about his change of "mood". Nothing. No answer. Once again, I felt I had been hit with a two-by-four and the sting of his cold, unloving behavior went straight to my heart. I could feel my temperature rising... Oh no...the Drama Queen is coming out to join the party...
I couldn't contain myself: "I'm shocked by your capacity for coldness and distancing yourself from me in a way that seems like the epitome of emotional cruelty...I have been insane to think you could sustain being loving and generous with me. I don't want anything further to do with you. Please do not contact me! we are done."
His infuriating response: "...a perfect example of creating one's reality...."
The Goddess in me reminded myself to LOVE MYSELF FIRST. From Self-Love, all else will flow naturally. I accepted the situation for what it was: not a viable relationship. Period. I want to love and be loved. I want reciprocity. I was to spend my time with a loving man who can hardly wait to spend time with me and loves to celebrate me and allows me to celebrate him.
The Drama Queen isn't all bad, you know! She has been protecting me... True, the Drama Queen contributed to the dissolution of this relationship: she would sometimes get jealous, criticize him for what he was NOT doing, rather than acknowledging what he did do. The Drama Queen was often working overtime assessing all his shortcomings and helping me get dangerously close to feeling like a victim. Oh no! Not going there!
Goddesses are never victims! Goddesses are VICTORS! Goddesses walk away from self-defeating relationships, willing to feel the pain and the fear, somehow knowing that they will pick themselves up and keep going, walking tall. The Goddess in you and me is not going to give herself away for ransom. The Goddess in you and me is totally invested in being authentic, bold and self-expressed.
To be continued...
With hugs and blessings
Sheila
There is within you and within me at LEAST two women (this is written to women today): The Goddess and the Drama Queen. I might otherwise refer to these two opposing resident inclinations as our Higher Self and our Little Self. The "higher self" is aware of who she is, is confident about who she is, and needs to prove nothing to others nor to have others prove anything to her. Thus, she can be open-hearted, loving, accepting, joyful and she blesses all that comes to her, because she "gets" that whatever that is, there is a gift in the experience somewhere. The "little self" forgets who she really is and consequently has the illusion that she needs something from someone else to be validated, to be vindicated, to be appreciated, to be loved and acknowledged. Thus, she is quick to be demanding of everything she thinks she needs to have in order to be okay, she is constantly complaining about what isn't good enough or right enough, she is forever criticizing others for what (in her view) is "wrong" or not "right" about practically everything. She doesn't acknowledge a whole heck of a lot in her life as being wonderful; she's forgotten how to be grateful for little and big things, and instead of blessing her life, she curses it.
I will share with you one of the precipitating conflicts that led to one of the seventeen "breakups" with my guy:
Several weeks after he had moved to his new house, he invited me for a visit. Because we each have busy work schedules, he suggested that I visit some morning when I have another appointment near where he lives, and we could include a tour of the new house and a visit. I had arranged to have a massage appointment, which was nearby his new house, so that my trip would be cost-effective in terms of my driving time. The day before our planned visit, he instant messaged me: "fyi...your visit has to be snappy...you know how busy I am in the morning..."
Well! I saw all colors of red. I felt as if a knife had been thrust into my heart. I had been excited about making my first visit to see his new place, the set up of his new office and high-tech equipment, even looking forward to sharing a cup of coffee and listening to his new stereo equipment, which he reported to be awesome. I felt as if he had stuck a pin in my balloon and suddenly, my great enthusiasm to make this visit was reduced to a little pile of ashes.
My reply to him: "lovers don't tell one another to be SNAPPY...and just to make sure you have plenty of time for your work tomorrow morning, I won't be showing up at all!"
I was hurt. I was insulted. I felt like the gift of his invitation to visit had been taken away with one word: SNAPPY...
That one word caused me to once again evaluate this relationship for myself. Once again, for the 16th time, I was considering ending it all, forever. My ongoing assessment of him was that he was stingy: in time, with his emotions, and with money. Did I really want to prolong the inevitable end to a relationship that could be summed up with the word SNAPPY?!?
His use of that one word, and my reaction to his use of it, caused a chain-reaction of responses and counter-responses, culminating in what I thought and fully believed to be the FINAL breakup. He came to my place to get his things. We agreed that it was done. Finished. Over.
A few days later, he began the campaign to inspire me to change my mind. What's with that?! I had finally regained my sanity and ended a relationship which was a dead-end for me, and he begins to pull at me, poke at me, to prod me back into that space of total insanity...being totally out of my mind!
His text messages began with "thinking of you..." then added: "you're the best...I miss you" and continued with "I promise to always honor you and give you everything you want and need..."
The Goddess in me was being misled by all those "higher" inclinations of acceptance, love and blessing, being blinded by the misguided notion that these inclinations were to be exercised on him rather than on myself. The first order of business for any self-respecting Goddess is to first love herself, to first take care of her needs and ensure that she entrusts her heart only to those who will honor and cherish her. The Goddess inclinations wanted to believe in him, to accept him, to love him and bless him.
I had grown to feel embarrassed by the Drama Queen in me: I didn't want to be demanding or critical or skeptical; I didn't want to complain about what he didn't do...I wanted to take the high road and step over my complaints and criticisms.
However...look at what happened: because I had become the Drama Queen in the matter and had a genuine emotional melt-down over what I perceived to be disrespect, he changed his tune. Within a short period of time, he literally got on his knees to apologize for behaving like a "insensitive jerk"... He promised to honor me in the future, if I would only give him another chance.
So I did...
For several weeks, he behaved himself: he treated me like a Goddess and seemed to honor me in many ways. He was tender, passionate, affectionate and even more generous with his time. He was consistent in being responsive to me, not ignoring any of my emails or calls. It seemed like my being the Drama Queen had created a positive turn-around in his behavior and therefore in our relationship.
Until...
A couple of days ago, there was another email exchange which went south. For no apparent reason, he became distant, silent, cold, and generally unresponsive. I wanted to meet with him to explore the wrinkle in the fabric. He was too busy. With a cold business-like two-line email, he announced that he needed to pick up some of his things, in case he needed to have them before he saw me again. That icy statement was a red flag to me: he had just declared a few days prior that he wanted to see me more often... I was puzzled. I expressed my curiosity about his change of "mood". Nothing. No answer. Once again, I felt I had been hit with a two-by-four and the sting of his cold, unloving behavior went straight to my heart. I could feel my temperature rising... Oh no...the Drama Queen is coming out to join the party...
I couldn't contain myself: "I'm shocked by your capacity for coldness and distancing yourself from me in a way that seems like the epitome of emotional cruelty...I have been insane to think you could sustain being loving and generous with me. I don't want anything further to do with you. Please do not contact me! we are done."
His infuriating response: "...a perfect example of creating one's reality...."
The Goddess in me reminded myself to LOVE MYSELF FIRST. From Self-Love, all else will flow naturally. I accepted the situation for what it was: not a viable relationship. Period. I want to love and be loved. I want reciprocity. I was to spend my time with a loving man who can hardly wait to spend time with me and loves to celebrate me and allows me to celebrate him.
The Drama Queen isn't all bad, you know! She has been protecting me... True, the Drama Queen contributed to the dissolution of this relationship: she would sometimes get jealous, criticize him for what he was NOT doing, rather than acknowledging what he did do. The Drama Queen was often working overtime assessing all his shortcomings and helping me get dangerously close to feeling like a victim. Oh no! Not going there!
Goddesses are never victims! Goddesses are VICTORS! Goddesses walk away from self-defeating relationships, willing to feel the pain and the fear, somehow knowing that they will pick themselves up and keep going, walking tall. The Goddess in you and me is not going to give herself away for ransom. The Goddess in you and me is totally invested in being authentic, bold and self-expressed.
To be continued...
With hugs and blessings
Sheila
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
GUEST POST: "Why I'm Bi..."
One of my good friends and colleagues, Rev. Criss Itterman, heard me announce my new blog and asked if she could contribute to it. "Of course!" was my natural response. This blog, my friends, is all about the ways that we become our Higher Self through loving and being Goddesses...truly self-expressed as we do that dance that is the substance of our lives: Body Parts and Soul Connections.
Why I'm Bi
“And my other new blog is called ‘Body Parts and Soul Connections,’ said Sheila Pearl, and the inspiration hit me.
That’s exactly it, that’s what it’s all about.
It immediately brought to mind this quote from Richard Matheson’s What Dreams May Come (the original book): “’Does a man’s existence change in any way when he removes his overcoat? Neither does it change when death removes the overcoat of his body. He’s still the same person. No wiser. No happier. No better off. Exactly the same.... Death is merely a continuation at another level.’”
Similarly, I don’t fall in love with a body. A person is not their body, as the movie version of What Dreams May Come points out. A body is a collection of chemicals and atoms, held together by laws of the universe that even science does not yet fully comprehend, but while those atoms and energies are of God, of Spirit, of Source, they are not the sum total of what makes me love a person.
I don’t love someone for the sum total of the carbon and hydrogen atoms that make them a person.
Nor do I love them for their testosterone, their estrogen, nor their adrenaline. Why would I love someone for the organs that exude chemical complexities? While I’m bisexual, I don’t love a man for their testes, nor a woman for her breasts, nor people for their adrenal glands.
I love people for their soul -- that sum total of their beliefs, their energies, their aura, their emotions, their thoughts, their intelligence. All those things that science wants to boil down to the complex interactions of chemicals on body parts, because that’s the only physical evidence that science can comprehend about the less provable portions of what makes a person a person. For me, when my love runs deeply in the tight-knit romantic partner sense, the love I feel for that person is in itself a reason, not an excuse, to delight in touch in pleasure and in mashing squishy parts together.
I am bisexual because I have a deep belief that it is the soul of my lover that matters, not what “junk” they have. I could care less what “gender” we as a culture and species assign to those parts. For other humans, perhaps the complementary pheromones matter, for some the gender roles we play in society matter, and they keep telling us that the visual stimuli or physical stimuli may matter. We each choose our attractions by whatever criteria we find suit ourselves, and please go in peace with it. I don’t bring this message to “make people bi” but to explain why I, and perhaps others, are bi. I don’t believe that souls have gender. When I have a soul connection with another person, I don’t let my body parts get in the way.
Lovingly,
Rev. Criss Itterman
Why I'm Bi
“And my other new blog is called ‘Body Parts and Soul Connections,’ said Sheila Pearl, and the inspiration hit me.
That’s exactly it, that’s what it’s all about.
It immediately brought to mind this quote from Richard Matheson’s What Dreams May Come (the original book): “’Does a man’s existence change in any way when he removes his overcoat? Neither does it change when death removes the overcoat of his body. He’s still the same person. No wiser. No happier. No better off. Exactly the same.... Death is merely a continuation at another level.’”
Similarly, I don’t fall in love with a body. A person is not their body, as the movie version of What Dreams May Come points out. A body is a collection of chemicals and atoms, held together by laws of the universe that even science does not yet fully comprehend, but while those atoms and energies are of God, of Spirit, of Source, they are not the sum total of what makes me love a person.
I don’t love someone for the sum total of the carbon and hydrogen atoms that make them a person.
Nor do I love them for their testosterone, their estrogen, nor their adrenaline. Why would I love someone for the organs that exude chemical complexities? While I’m bisexual, I don’t love a man for their testes, nor a woman for her breasts, nor people for their adrenal glands.
I love people for their soul -- that sum total of their beliefs, their energies, their aura, their emotions, their thoughts, their intelligence. All those things that science wants to boil down to the complex interactions of chemicals on body parts, because that’s the only physical evidence that science can comprehend about the less provable portions of what makes a person a person. For me, when my love runs deeply in the tight-knit romantic partner sense, the love I feel for that person is in itself a reason, not an excuse, to delight in touch in pleasure and in mashing squishy parts together.
I am bisexual because I have a deep belief that it is the soul of my lover that matters, not what “junk” they have. I could care less what “gender” we as a culture and species assign to those parts. For other humans, perhaps the complementary pheromones matter, for some the gender roles we play in society matter, and they keep telling us that the visual stimuli or physical stimuli may matter. We each choose our attractions by whatever criteria we find suit ourselves, and please go in peace with it. I don’t bring this message to “make people bi” but to explain why I, and perhaps others, are bi. I don’t believe that souls have gender. When I have a soul connection with another person, I don’t let my body parts get in the way.
Lovingly,
Rev. Criss Itterman
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